How to best support your friend when she is the NEW MOM?

The new mom….

New Mom-Tucson Postpartum DoulaYou are the FIRST of your friends to be pregnant. Everyone is so excited and over the moon to meet your little bundle of joy. Soon though, they realize that having a baby is A LOT of work.  You can no longer just drop everything and meet up.  You are not as free to go to happy hour, the gym, or meet up after you get off work.

Messy buns, yoga pants and puffy eyes are your new attire but your heart is FULL. You are in love.  Exhausted. Missing your friends. Feeling alone.  Where is everyone? Why is no one coming over anymore? Your phone rarely buzzes.  Did my friends forget about me?

Girlfriends Guide to helping the NEW MOM out:

To all the girlfriends who are afraid to speak up or do not know how best to help, take note:

Never show up unannounced.  Plan with the new mom FIRST!

-Bring her favorite food over.

-Set her up on mealtrain.com or takethemameal.com (everyone needs to eat!) and send it out to family and friends

-Ask her how she is really doing? Listen. Encourage her to seek help if she is experiencing anxiety or depression

-Give her a big hug.

-Pick up some magazines (she may not read them but might want to flip through and look at photos when she is feeding at 2 am)

-Shoot a text and ask if you can pick up anything on the way over.

-Write down a list of good Netflix, Hulu, HBO or Amazon shows for her to watch or get caught up on

DO NOT ASK, Just DO IT

-Fill up her water bottle and sit a snack down next to her

-Throw a load of laundry in the washer or dryer, fluff and fold load that has been sitting in the dryer.

-Take out the trash

-Walk the dog (pick up poop)

-Put dishes in the dishwasher or wash them

-Vacuum or mop

When she is ready (this may vary)….

-Bring over a movie and popcorn

-ASK if she wants filled in on what is going on (help her feel connected). Being a new mom can be lonely.

-Keep inviting her out and including her in messages and chats IF she wants it.  Don’t harass her for not responding as quickly either.

-Do not pressure the new mom to find a babysitter so she can go out with you!  This is very anxiety producing. Give her time and don’t take it personally.

Did you see HOLD the BABY was not on my list?  That was purposeful.  If mom asks you, then get up, wash your hands and cuddle away. Moms love to watch others LOVE on their new baby too (just wait till she offers).

So, next time your friend has a baby and is the “new mom” in your circle, remember this list and how she will literally love you forever times infinity if you do one, a few, or all of these things. It truly takes a village to raise babies into kids, and kids into teens, and teens into adults.

Be aware, be present, and DON’T stop offering your support and love, in whatever way you can.  Next, it may be you and you will LOVE to be the newest mom in your circle.

Share with any expecting or new moms in your circle.