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Bilingual or Multilingual: Speak to your kids

world map-languages

Whether you were born in the United States, immigrated here, came here for work, school, marriage or military share your culture and language with your child(ren).

The past few years I am noticing an increase in international clients and I LOVE it.  WHY? Personally, the families who hire me come to the U.S. and realize “WOW, they don’t take great care of their moms, babies and families after delivery.  I need some additional help because my family can’t be here with me, hence I will arrange for support.  Enter Colleen (aka pasaku krustmāte (Fairy Godmother in Latvian) or Baby Flüsterer (Baby Whisperer in German).  I am blessed because I love to learn about other cultures, traditions, foods, and languages.  Mostly, I love to watch parents, family members or friends interact with, bond and fall in love with their babies.

I regularly sit in admiration of HOW their baby looks at them, the way they pronounce words, the way their mouths move, the annotation of their voices, the smile that quickly spreads across their face and the sparkle in both sets of eyes. Plus, watching the other partner, grandparent or friend watch them is so sweet to observe. I have been told that speaking in your native language, gives parents a feeling of connection to their country, culture and loved ones that they miss and being able to share with their newborn is comforting.

WHY should you teach your children a second language?

According to Secondary Korean teacher Ms Yunjung Kim, “Native language plays an essential role in establishing your identity. History and culture is inherent in language. Learning the native language signifies learning the same history and culture of your parents, relatives, and even the generations before and after.”  Each parents culture is important to their child and it is ok if the other parent does not speak or understand what you are saying to your child.  That is one of my favorite parts of my home visits, listening and observing.  Then I get to ask, “what are you saying to them” and then try to understand it (there are numerous ways to say the same thing).  The more I hear, the more I am learning about languages, traditions and cultures.

There is so much research about the many benefits to babies and children when learning another language, from creativity, to sensitivity and empathy, boosting brain power to enhancing cognitive abilities. “Every infant is born with the ability to mimic the sounds of any language. But by the time a baby is about 10 months old, he begins to narrow down the range of sounds to those that he hears around him. So if you want your child to learn a second language, it’s best to introduce it in the first year of life.”  https://www.parents.com/baby/development/intellectual/how-to-teach-your-child-a-foreign-language/  Start speaking to them as soon as you are able.  Tell them Happy Birthday on the day that they are born, count their fingers and toes in your language and sing them Twinkle Twinkle or You are My Sunshine right away.  Give them kisses, cuddle them tightly and whisper I LOVE you quietly in their ear.

HOW to say I LOVE YOU in different languages

-わたしは、あなたを愛しています (Japanese)

ខ្ញុំស្រលាញ់អ្នក/ khnhom sralanh anak (Cambodian)

Volim te (Croatian)

Je vous aime (French)

Eu amo Você (Portuguese)

Unë të dua (Albanian)

Nakupenda (Swahili)

WAYS to incorporate a different language into your home:

Some of my clients have chosen to speak to their child in their native language at home and only speak English outside of the home.  Others incorporate books, music, pictures, movies, tv shows, coloring and art.  Make it FUN and involve everyone in the family, via phone, skype, zoom or FaceTime.  The more the child hears it, the better. Label household items with stickers and the names. Go on walks and point out trees, birds, landscapes, mountains, houses and cars and call them by their names. Make native dishes and allow them to get used to different smells, flavors and textures.  Whatever route you choose, be consistent with your speaking and teaching and ask others for help when needed. Your child will thank you for being bilingual or multilingual the older they get.

WHAT I have learned from my clients:

I just recently received a text from a client, she is from Taiwan and he is from Germany and they have been working on choosing a name for their daughter.  Well after 4 months and a move back to the island of Hawaii, they decided on one and sent me her name plus its meaning. “She smiles when we call her that, doesn’t smile for the other candidate names.  We use the French pronunciation, (dads name) like to speak French to her because she, for whatever reason, lights up to the language.  Must be the soft melodic nature of the sounds.”

I walked into the house of another client and she was singing to her daughter in Latvian, I quietly observed and recognized the melody of the tune.  She speaks 5 languages fluently and has traveled to well over 50 different countries.  Her husband speaks several languages as well.  A while into the visit I focused on the music in the background and inquired what language it was in.  The dad replied “Portuguese, we love it but don’t speak it.” I anticipate this little girl will be multilingual.

I have listened to a Veteran dad read in Farsi, a novel for his enjoyment, but he chose to read it out loud to his daughter.  He also played his guitar and sang an Egyptian/Arabic nursery rhyme for her too. Another dad speaks to his little guy in Swiss while diaper changing to keep him calm.  I have heard the same sayings and nursery rhymes from him so many times that I can even hum along now.  One of my clients has bought and plays Chinese music at nap and bed time, plus has a stuffed bear dressed in a Chinese kimono that says many phrases in Chinese.  I have also had the great pleasure of tasting many native dishes during my visits.  From special teas and celebratory cake from the Philippines, an amazing apple/meringue crumble from Latvia, a potato casserole from Suriname and a traditional stew dish from Iran, I benefit from all my international clients.

Being multilingual or bilingual is an amazing gift to give your child(ren). It will help them in more ways than you can imagine.  If you currently only speak one language, there is always time to learn a new one. Purchase Rosetta stone, read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, join a club, or schedule a trip and learn together.  “Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going”. – Rita Mae Brown

For more helpful hints, tips and ways to THRIVE in your 4th trimester, check out www.yourfamilysjourney.com and book a consultation with Colleen today!

Tips and tricks for when the next baby arrives (Part 2)

Sibling introduction and expected behaviors

Your next baby has arrived and now it is time to introduce your children. Sibling introduction can be an overwhelming encounter, but it is also a beautiful sight to behold. Some parents choose to do it in the hospital while others wait till they get home.  When not during a pandemic with limited visitors, talk with them about what they would prefer. If they are too young, make your best guess.

[Read more…] about Tips and tricks for when the next baby arrives (Part 2)

Tips and tricks for when the next baby arrives (Part 1)

Congratulations on the next baby?

The arrival of your new baby will mean some big changes for everyone and although parents might feel ready (or as ready as one can ever be), siblings might not share the same excitement. Not only do they have to share their house, their playroom and their toys, they have to share mom and dad too! No matter your child’s age, helping them understand what is going to happen, is a good way to prepare for their sibling’s arrival. [Read more…] about Tips and tricks for when the next baby arrives (Part 1)

Baby’s arrival: Topics to discuss before baby arrives Part 2

Baby’s arrival is coming soon….Baby's arrival

Moms and dads transition to their roles as parents in different ways. Responsibilities, lifestyle adjustments, and financial difficulties can ALL add to the challenges that new parents face.

There are many important topics to discuss before baby’s arrival, so take the time and make these conversations happen now. I find the topics listed below to be super helpful for partners to start their parenting discussions.

Be there for each other (teamwork)

Babies do NOT come with instruction manuals, so working together to find solutions to problems that arise is important. Yes, if mom is breastfeeding, dad can help burping, changing diapers and calming. Dad can also do one of the night feedings with expressed breast milk so mom can get some extra shuteye. Life is always better when you have someone else to depend on. Do not be afraid to ask each other for help and be willing to “be ok” if the other partner does something a tad differently than you!

Teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success-Unknown.

Create a general plan for who will handle what responsibilities.

Talk about this NOW and often as hurt feelings arise very easily over this. Do both parents work?  Is one staying home? If one parent is home, are they responsible for doing all the housework, cooking and taking care of the baby? Who does the grocery shopping and running errands? If both parents are working, who picks up and drops off at daycare or the sitters? Who gets alone time for self-care first and how often? Again, refer to TEAMWORK, talk and work together to make it work. It is NOT always easy, but soon you will figure out what works best for your family.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships-Henry Winkler.

Discuss finances

This is always a touchy topic – having kids can be expensive. The average cost to raise a child is $233k and families can expect to spend between $12,350 and nearly $14,000 a year, on average, to raise a child. It might be a good time to set a budget or at least talk about what finances will be like. Make a list of things that you can back on. Are you going to need childcare? In home with a nanny or daycare? What happens if one partner cuts back to part time?

Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship-Benjamin Franklin

Discuss jobs and career

Does your current job offer maternity and/or paternity leave? How long does each partner get and what portion of your income is paid? What will finances look like if one parent does not go back to work? Is that even an option? It is hard for a parent to say, “Yes, I am going back to work after my leave” before the baby is even here. Things change. Careful and creative planning comes into play if one parent decides not to go back to because they love being home with the baby. Can you come up with a compromise?

Everyone here has the sense that right now is one of those moments when we are influencing the future-Steve Jobs.

Discuss how this will impact your family

It took two of you to make the baby, so that means you will have a minimum of two sets of grandparents who are equally excited about the new grandchild.  Everyone has advice to give, some helpful and some not. Talk to your family BEFORE the baby is here, set some ground rules and make sure they respect your parenting style(s) even if they do not agree.  Ask yourselves, how do you split time between families? Whose house do you spend holidays at? Remember to stand up for your partner if a family member is being hurtful! This is YOUR baby not theirs.

Family is like music, some high notes, some low notes, but always a beautiful song-Unknown

Discuss your parenting philosophies

This is when you go back and think about your individual upbringings. What did you like? Dislike? Is there something fun that you remember about a friend’s family that you wished your family did? What have you seen watching other families? Children? Are you opposed to certain philosophies? Co-sleeping? Attachment parenting? Cry it out? Do you have the same faith? Do you celebrate certain holidays? Traditions?

The Golden Rule of Parenting; do unto your children as you wish your parents had done unto you-Louise Hart

Discuss the impact on your sex life

It is advised to abstain from sex for six weeks or until your doctor or midwife has cleared you. Hormones and libido change after childbirth, sleep deprivation always puts a damper on things and mom may be “touched out” from holding, nursing, soothing or being slept on all day. If the birth was traumatic, mom may be hesitant. Talk about ways to connect without being intimate (snuggle on the couch, hold hands, watch movies, shower together and make time to talk and check in every day). Be patient! Do not forget about birth control, there are plenty of options to try.

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain-Dolly Parton

Plan strategies for self-care

Discuss what you like to do individually and together and then make time for it to happen. When one partner is taking their time, let them have it undisturbed if possible. It is easy to lose your sense of self once the baby arrives and you will feel better when you take the time to care for yourself. It could be: taking a bath, exercising, getting your hair, nails or feet done, hitting golf balls, shooting baskets, crocheting, doing crossword puzzles, draw, paint, journal, take photos, going for a walk around the block, reading a book, playing a video game, unplugging from social media or just going into another room for a few minutes to clear your head.  A short break allows for your mind and body to rejuvenate.

The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have-Jane Travis

BEFORE your baby arrives, schedule a time to talk with me. I will help start the conversations about these important topics and help you set realistic expectations. Baby’s arrival brings about so many changes, get a jump start on these topics today and keep your relationship on the same page.

Disclaimer-I am not taking on the role of a counselor or therapist, I am just suggesting topics to talk about before the baby arrives.

How do I get my baby to burp?

How do I get my baby to burp?

Welcome to parenting, the best and most exhausting job ever.  The first few weeks are filled with sleepless nights, feeding, changing diapers, crying, feeding, changing diapers, crying, feeding………..oh and don’t forget about burping in between and after each feed.

A common statement I hear a lot working with families is, “Colleen, I can’t get my baby to burp, what can I do?”  My response is simple, some babies do not always need to burp and some burp automatically without having to burp them. Every baby is different but it is always best to try it and try a few different positions.  It is very common for babies to swallow air when they begin to feed and even more so if they are crying before or during a feed. [Read more…] about How do I get my baby to burp?

Due to COVID 19, Colleen will be providing virtual and/or in home support.

Feel free to call, text or email her for virtual support in the comfort, safely providing virtual and in-person support based on families needs!